Exhaustion, Burnout and the Decisions You Don’t Know You’re Making at Work

An executive coach on the chronic stress warning signs high performers miss, and how one deliberate deep breath helps you decide on purpose

By Austin Holmes, Co-Founder & President, Publicity For Good & Signal Raptor / Host of OverPressure Podcast

Focus Insights

• Constant exhaustion, poor focus and short patience can be early signs of chronic stress, even when they feel like a normal part of hard work.
  
• Paula Houlihan estimates that up to 95% of our choices are made unconsciously, driven by habits and stress reactions.
  
• One deliberate breath before a decision gives the thinking part of the brain a chance to weigh in.
  

In 2010, Paula Houlihan went to a doctor because she couldn’t focus anymore. She left that appointment knowing she was one stage away from adrenal crisis, and that without real changes she might not be alive in a year. What hit her hard was the doctor’s advice to make different choices, since she had never felt like she chose any of it.

Paula spent 15 years as a senior claims specialist in insurance, investigating and negotiating high-risk product liability and intellectual property cases. She was good at it and loved it, and the chronic stress built so slowly that she saw her exhaustion as part of being successful. She later went back to school for a psychology degree to understand how people actually make decisions, and she has worked as an executive coach for the past 14 years.

Burnout Warning Signs High Performers Miss

Before that appointment, Paula was drained physically and mentally, walking across a room left her out of breath, and she was irritable, moody and unable to sleep. Since everyone else seemed fine, she assumed the problem was her and tried to push harder.

She describes three markers of burnout to watch for over time: deep exhaustion with fuzzy focus, a growing cynicism or detachment from the job, and performance slipping below your usual level. She points out that the World Health Organization lists burnout in its International Classification of Diseases as a workplace issue.

Her advice is an honest check-in where you rate your energy, focus and emotional capacity, note where your body aches and ask whether that’s truly normal or just what you’ve gotten used to under constant stress. Five or six weeks before we recorded, our team started a weekly check-in with three faces, from frowning to smiling, and scores dipped during a stressful week.

Most Decisions Happen on Autopilot

Paula estimates that up to 95% of the time, our brains choose for us without our conscious involvement. In her model, two areas carry most of that load, with the amygdala driving quick reactions like fight, flight, freeze or fawn and the basal ganglia storing our habits of thinking and behavior. Habits, experiences and beliefs shape those choices, and because we see the result, it feels like our own call.

She sees willpower as limited, since it wears out and usually shows up after the decision is already made, and that frees founders from beating themselves up over every reaction.

The Power Pause

Her main tool is to stop in the moment and take one deep breath. She explains that the breath signals safety and brings the prefrontal cortex, the part that plans and evaluates, back into the decision. Then ask whether you’re reacting or acting on purpose, and whether your response fits the situation and moves you toward your goal. Paula is fine with a reactive response that gets you where you want to go, and otherwise the pause is your chance to choose a different one.

She calls this assess, evaluate, choose and act, and over time the new response becomes the habit. The military trains people to decide ahead of time for different scenarios, and sports teams run plays until they’re automatic.

Better Questions at Decision Points

Paula also uses questions the brain doesn’t already have a stock answer for. Asking what you’re wanting right now, in the present tense, opens options beyond whatever is triggering you. She also asks what she’s assuming.

When Your Role Changes

Paula says nobody knows exactly what AI will do to jobs, and she sees people struggle to separate the role they filled from their own value, much like people who retire or switch careers later in life. My guess is that at least half of founders who exit end up on the couch for weeks, months or longer, and I see something similar in people separating from the military.

Paula describes it as a grieving cycle, where people either stay stuck or work through it. Getting support is the key step, whether that’s counseling, family and friends, or programs like her friend Chris Kolenda’s Saber Six for veterans. As a certified coach, she refers clients facing mental health struggles to counselors, and she says she has been to counseling herself.

Burnout and Decision-Making Basics

• Common signs of burnout include ongoing exhaustion, detachment from work and a gradual drop in performance.
  
• Paula Houlihan’s four steps for intentional decisions are assess, evaluate, choose and act.
  
• People who tie their identity to a job, business or military role often feel loss when that role ends, and support helps them move forward.

Redefine Success Before It Costs You

Paula’s recovery took about a year to a year and a half of doctors, medication, supplements, sleep and saying no to things she used to accept automatically. She also rewrote her definition of success, which had pushed her to override her boundaries to prove she belonged when she was often the only woman at the negotiating table. Her new one leaves room for high achievement and health together, including planned downtime after she travels to speak.

My suggestion is to try the pause in your next tense meeting, and to check in with yourself once a quarter. If you’re in a rough season, please reach out to a friend, family member or professional.

Paula Houlihan’s full OverPressure Podcast conversation can be found through Spotify or YouTube.

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About the Author
Austin Holmes is a Navy Special Operations veteran, father, and entrepreneur. He is the co-founder and President of Publicity For Good and CEO of Signal Raptor, a SaaS-enabled PR platform that modernizes one of the most traditional industries by productizing services and pairing technology with human expertise. He hosts the OverPressure Podcast, where he interviews veteran entrepreneurs about building businesses under real-world pressure.